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Parent Ed. Workshop - 2/20/24

Added Mar 19, 2024 •

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Session 2: How to Talk to Child About Drugs and Alcohol presented by Anna Riley, PSW

Show Transcript

rejoining us I know sometimes weeknights are hard on a time that works for everyone will be recorded and posted on the website if you know other parents that weren't able to make it so this is nothing to the substance used to work shops that I've been doing part 1 with substance abuse awareness so I really talked about you know what kind of drugs are going around right now how kids are our kids are getting it other using it what they're calling it all of that information so all the background information is in my first Workshop so you can find that on the website if you're interested just one kind of like the Practical side so how to actually start talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol who has some of you already know I'm in a Riley this my $30 of year old worker and a trivia 5 days a week I do individual counseling Crossing presentation school-wide Champions all things mental health in my office is located in student services I also started a small Private Practice on the side so I'm really I'm just all about mental health and working with our kiddos the learning objectives for this Workshop one learn about Alcohol and Other Drugs to explore ways to Monitor and supervise your three recognize signs that your child may need help and 4 review resilience elements that are important to Substance Abuse Prevention and how to nurture them at home fourth one we may not have time to cover all but it's kind of less directly related to Sears in more General printing tips I'll try to get through as much as I can viewer discretion this is not for parents or if your kids are in the background and may not be something that you want them to hear about we just don't want to start any unintended. I wanted to get that creamer the temperature talking to you about drugs and alcohol make sure you prepare for the conversation and be intentional on you want to do the time when your kid is called the moment that you find out hopefully not your kid was beeping at school. And you're upset you're angry you know I don't know if you're going or talking friendly to them. not be the best time to have a full conversation about drugs and alcohol you want to wait until you're in, and they are and I'll calm headspace you also want to limit distraction shouldn't be while you're watching TV or while they're on it should be a really intentional and meaningful conversation you want to use and every opportunity you have to have a conversation so you have a news article about not something you can really get into a more intentional conversation maybe you guys watch a movie or substance abuse is part of the movie and after the movie would be a good time to bring it up with your you also know your kid the best I'm a kid really prefer to talk like right before bed so it's probably the time that you really want to go to bed I'm just thinking intentionally about a good time for you and your kid frequent conversations are most effective ones on conversation on the more you talk about it in the more open you are with your kids more they'll be willing to talk about it with you what we really want be ready to discuss your own to think about how you will respond if your teen ask you about your personal experiences if you chose never to use drugs when you are if you are comfortable sharing you can share what the experience taught you and what you learned from it if you do drink or use marijuana legally now what are some legal questions about that like why don't understand what about it I see you do better if he can't do it or whatever it might be so you really want to be prepared to have honest conversations about that there's a five conversation goals that you should have with your kids so number one is showing that you disapprove of underage drinking and Other Drug misuse I know a lot of parents have different philosophies about when I was growing up some people showing that you disapprove you're not okay with it is the way to go number 2 showing that you're a good source of information about alcohol and drugs you want your kids to come to you with questions you want them to open up to you about what kids are doing at school outside of school you want them to feel comfortable so you want to show them that you know what you're talkin about build your child skills and strategies for avoiding drinking do you care about your child do you want this to be a positive frame a it's not don't do it because you'll get in trouble if I don't want you doing this because it's not good for your happiness. The reason punishment be there's actually reasons behind and it's coming from love and care and then number five show your paying attention and you'll just so we'll get to that in a second but it's really important that you are I don't know if you need something to your child but that you're showing them that your mother. Checking in with them and all that social media will get some more strategies those are the rules for the conversation number one show you disapproved so close that you could use our family does not allow any drug user underage drinking because it's how do I get to major problems like addiction brain damage and even death of alcohol you're not okay with them doing it illegally stations in a less intense way I am as early as elementary school because that will prepare your child for when drugs might be offers that unfortunately this early as Lee Elementary School and Middle School I'm eating over 80% of young people ages 10 to 18 see their parents are the leading influence on their decision of whether to underage drink so you have a lot of influence and let's learn how to use it in a good way not talking about Alcohol and Other Drugs still sandwiches a message so I have heard you know from a lot of parents that they haven't really had or if I talked to them about it and make them want to do it the evidence is that you actually really do want to have these conversations and not talking about it since in a message could be a message that they think you're okay with it or that they're not allowed to talk to you about it and that's what we want to make sure that you are having the conversation showing are good source of information so you don't want them to learn about alcohol and drugs from unreliable sources cuz that is probably where they're getting the majority of their information Tik-Tok or friends Instagram we want to make sure that they come you because you're going to stick to the facts and misinformation like a lot of kids things is an addictive marijuana is good for you cuz it's natural to have all these different the misinformation that we need to be there to clarify and honest about the risk I know it's a need-to-know understand if they do choose to do that and learning together with them so be open to learning what time you guys can Google things together find reliable sources that's a good activity you can do together so here's an example of a quote you could say it's important that you never take any drugs from anyone including friends you think you can trust is impossible for anyone to know if it's drugs contain something deadly like that until it's Julie wanted to be that late and you can emphasize it is a really scary reality and you want them to know that they make a decision about that because we genuinely care build a child skills and strategies Pro so I'll just doesn't pressure cuz we know that one of the one of the biggest reasons if your pressure in one so because they in there so I'm different responses so like for example or am I I told that when the kids a lot because it's like full proof if they saw their friend my friend starts has me I don't think the friends don't be pushing them to continue doing it or even judging them for not doing it was a pretty legit reason or my parents I don't want to do that I'm not saying that we should be encouraging them to lot I like ideally they can just say no but the reality is the way to get out of the situation comfortable just saying no important to give them tools not when I can get out of the situation develop and see if she planned to avoid an Accident Injury situation so will help your child can use the warning signs look and feel like maybe they're at a party and they know someone's pulling out at 2 drink that they've never seen before. I might be something that they want to be careful maybe see you like I smell something funny time to go to Student Services think about what your situation situation so you know what to me if they see something they're uncomfortable with there are involved in something when I get home make sure to tell you or if they have it there helping them identify people that are going to be there and not just about or punish them providing reassurance this is very important you know just saying to them know that you can talk to her about anything anytime even if you do make a mistake I feel stuck in a situation and need our help we won't freak out and together we'll figure out a way to help you so super important as much as I'm emphasizing that. If they don't approve you also want to make sure there's room for mistakes because most kids are going to make mistakes and I think it's important to tell them like this is what we believe because we hear about your safety and well-being if you make a mistake I still want you to come see me and we'll work together to figure out what we can do and I think the won't freak out for is really key does not know it's hard not to be fine. it's really scary to try to do the freaking all on your own and keep calm in the conversations with your kids look like gerbil talking to you about these things emphasising that you're there to support I know one of my best friends told me when she got caught drinking as a as a high schooler with what's wrong with you and that's what we start a conversation and meet her it just made her feel horrible for coming out it with love and care and we'll figure this out together instead of just punitive as long as you care about your child's health and wellness so you're on their side so it's because he wants him to be safe try and listen to you know if they're telling you that someone in their one of their friends try to avoid jumping to the whole you know I don't know that person anymore. shut down the conversation will avoid lecturing you know some girls have told me that they've heard that really helps with stress and with depression that's kind of the messages that they've been hearing so we were able to talk about that like okay you're actually could be a lot healthier and make you happier assuring them that they can be honest with you. That's a speed for them I just being open and showing concern the last time we talked about it and that was it. Behavior so there's some tips about that coming up so here's how you can try active listening to keep the conversation going use open-ended questions I tell me more about versus yes or no questions that kind of shot down the conversation you positive affirmation you no telling this is a lot of Courage for you to share that thank you for your honesty kids needs a validation we need the validation to let me know that you hear them so this is something I do as a therapist all the time something and then request to show them that you're really listening like you're feeling nervous and anxious for summarizing it question asking permission cuz the last name kids why is a lecture I hear that all the time because my mom just has me all the time and I just seen it out okay with you sharing maybe a story that happened to you you're thinking about and then offering empathy and compassion for example I'm sorry you're feeling anxious and we think of any activities that help you relax Holiday Inn if you don't provide a solution or coping skills that so here's some conversation starters related to their friends and peers if you were with kids who were vaping drinking or using drugs how would you feel how would you feel who do you feel most comfortable talking to about substances and why and then what would you do if you thought friends prescription pills that are there's what are these all them drunk or high sing with me as a student I'm already to really open up for them to explain things how they're thinking and feeling when it's about someone else even though it's really about that so that's a strategy that really work conversation starters related to perceptions and understanding so these are just an exam when you hear or see messages about how do you decide which are Miss and which are facts do you know what overdosing is what do you know about it what do you know about why someone your age is more likely to get addicted just asking I talked about these in the last presentation as well but that's also just asking is general questions to kind of get them to start opening up about their understanding phutureprimitive on preventive to cultivate resiliency when is problem solving strategies away role-playing is often helpful if you're there so you can you know play that where they can fly that looks kind of peer pressuring and then go back and forth to see what they would say I noticed you're not able to go to their friends what their limits are but they need boundaries in notice when they're feeling comfortable when they're uncomfortable and being able to verbalize that appears as well I know they might be nervous we want them to build Casino Queen identify okay not supervised child and teen is at all times the most important time of day to monitor is after-school research shows that kids are at the greatest. during these hours so do your kind of more in the daily routines you're taking an important step in preventing stuff and like I can easily tell when this is the case you know they're going to do this weekend in other kids like I don't know I was going to figure out after school maybe just go to the Village go to the park I don't know I'm you really especially if you want to know where your kid is going at all times whether that's through my phone or making up with you the night before it's really important to know find out how your teams in Thursday night listen to call me knowing that I hear so what are you planning to do tomorrow that you're excited about them to talk to you about there what they're planning to do if your vision so if you or another call each other after school options you really don't want them to be alone for too long cuz I think possible I would say periodically when they're home alone just to make sure they're all good develop that interest in Risky behaviors so really keep us strong setting clear limits with us 17 ft of water structure to be successful others don't they're more self-sufficient so letting them know what they can and can't do what they can see how do homework when they can use the computer and what it can be used for staying with the phone what type of Technology when they're allowed to go out and when they I think these are all important limits to set and emphasizing that there's consequences if the expectations are not met I've had some parents who have like no rules about screen time and phones and things and then like if they ever try to take the phone it's a huge huge issue cuz they haven't been consistent with it so make sure you're sure limits and I'm being very consistent with the follow-through I also always I think it's important to make sure your kids friends make sure they're on the same page about supervision and prohibiting especially when their homes are there hanging out can you be surprised how many parents like provide alcohol for him I remember it happening there but I hear about it all the time you know you want to make sure you know what is your kids are going to and whether parents are allowing at those parties my mom was the type that like in so maybe Junior High School literally walked into the party and introduce yourself to the parents to make sure that she felt comfortable with it nothing you have to go to that link I think it's a good idea to know where you're going encourage positive friendship set a reminder child but a good friend something comfortable and when we do not judge so if they told their family are not interested in so if a friend is judging them making them feel that it's probably not a good friend to have a person still sorry I'm trying to fly through social media and recent study showed that seventy five percent and a few things photos on social media of other young people smoking weed or drinking alcohol so that's a really high number the social media Define inspiring help him build community but it can also be dangerous and an opportunity for Instagram and Snapchat provide an environment where kids eat and just normal people They know when using risky behaviors they might be a little bit normalized so I came with the sensitization Athena things at a younger age and this kind of content and normalizes and even glamorizes some of this behavior is drinking so teens I think it's fun. feeling good social media can really make them think that these things are really good it's all the really important James are uniquely vulnerable to the effects of what they see on social media and this age group is highly susceptible to peer influences and pressure so social media because of all that for mental health research shows that there is an undeniable length social media usage and I both of us can drive under a sub with you so ugly with emotional problems alcohol as a coping mechanism trying to deal with those feelings so I would suggest frequently checking their social media just make sure they're following appropriate think they're posting appropriate things they're not talking to random people unfortunately in my life were so I talked about how these days through Instagram and Snapchat so I would suggest monitoring it closely if you even allow them to know some parents out which I also love not letting them know so they can just make them feel really isolated you really think good things come at the middle school level trans can have open communication about social media as you can't kids on the rest of us have some tears monitor social media and just knowing that other technology used by yourself so that you're familiar with it I like the messaging side of thing you know what I don't even learn what they're doing amazing signs that your child many support this is been over this in the last workshop and I just wanted to briefly cover it for those of you that missed it so you really want to look for a change in their behavior it's hard because this age group also go through puberty so you're going to notice a lot of changes regardless but these are just some common signs of stress uncharacteristically relax the reserve word flower of avoiding eye contact and fusion being secretive really tired of missing curfew laws of Interest activities our friendship I'm not saying that if you are noticing you things that you're child-abusing that's not what I'm saying but just has to look out for it because they are worn similar to hear physical appearance they're going to school. Could your child benefit from Individual or family therapy so I was going through a stressful time for your noticing they're not opening or you're seeing a lot of behavior changes in a negative way they might need therapy I might be a good place to start counseling services support resilience remind me and helping them identify their feelings and being able to talk about this feeling please feel free to reach out to me I'll have Mike on and I'm happy to help connect you to resources well then the last option is strengthening results cuz that's what really helped prevent steps with you build off the resilience in Ark it so the five elements I'm going to go over our ability to South Africa. And hope and growth mindset the sense of safety so brain science teaches us that we all think and learn best when we are home and alert me feel alarms fear or Terror if there's a logical fallacy which then activates our stress response systems and that's when it's really hard for us to think clearly to learn regulator self there's different types of stress stress is a demand. an essential part of normal development that's not bad. I'm able to manage it it's helping me girl tolerable tolerable experiences and we provided the protection of supportive relationships so you might happen to us but we have a built-in network of support that lowers the stress response in our body 30 for 30 Target this is the one that we want to be the most looking out for for kids the key factor for a while their strength is destructive is when the pattern of stress is unpredictable extreme or prolonged stress an internal stress response will be activated to get us back to balance so this is what I'm really kids are just in over their heads with stress and that's what we want to avoid but here are some common reactions if they're experiencing us to ring a bell for some of you wanting to not think or talk about the stressful event feeling out of control having trouble concentrating feeling angry or irritable feeling sad feeling like something bad is about to happen these are all common reactions that you want to pay attention for yourself and your child if these reactions last longer than a few months or interfere with their daily life so if you're. Not doing their work anymore refusing to go to school is helpful to know that professional support is available and effective cuz you don't want to continue spinning out of control their daily life. Stress level what are things you can do to help them feel safe like a regular time if you are separated from the other parent some consistency you know when kids are living in two different households than for their consistency with the routine managing stress though getting enough sleep saying no to an overload can I at least 30 minutes of exercise per usual and I always tell kids you know the number one thing for me when I'm really overwhelmed and stressed is exercise choosing who invented t-shirt people that we trust and feel safe around and then communicating these are all things that you can model for your you can do yourself and show them why you're doing it how it makes you feel and things that you can enforce with them all of these things are things you can frequently talk about and do with your child contingent liability to be called so some kids as we know really struggle with calming down there after they feel unsafe or stress and they struggled and I'm able to help them is that I don't have to see them again. Because I don't want to see them again I love seeing all of our kids skills to do it for themselves the whole point of therapy is that it supposed to end once you're able to figure out their own tools that help you calm yourself down and feel good Tom is feeling safe and protected in our bodies and thoughts using I thought so the ability to positively such a thing to work out and I can figure this out on the motion thoughts and behaviors effectively difference between Asian science teaches us that when a child has shut down apps that works up or stressed out is a reflection of Their Own not a reflection of their relationship love or respect for you I think parents need to hear this because when your kid is upset and talking back to you or disrespecting you it's not necessarily trying to do or that they don't love you or respect you when they're arouse it's hard for them to express that in a comment that they haven't necessarily been given the tools. in time and years to learn that as we all have when something triggers has to respond in a calm way humans are emotionally contagious so we can might have noticed if you're having a really bad day feeling really stressed the family is all affected by internal storm we're trying to regulate yourself or taking a break if you need it in your room and letting your kid I need some time to try and calm down so I can rhythm essential to a healthy body in my mind it is regulating and balances our emotions so just making sure that every day there's no big curve balls you know what to expect and I know what the expectations are in contact if you don't follow the expectation always be calm matters coping skills are things we can do in the moment when we're not feeling her best and it's time to call and regulate our nervous system unhealthy coping skill and this is something you can talk to your kids about health turn down the volume of overwhelming emotions reduce stress control over our Behavior all things I hope he's hoping we'll do unhealthy coping might help in the moment but I will do more harm than good in the long procrastination is an example of feeling Tantra a meltdown yelling here is our drug risky behaviors like shoplifting or dangerous driving the first step is building emotional awareness so children and teens develop their ability to recognize and emotion through practice and feelings and talking about feelings you can also bring this up I noticed your car do you feel overwhelmed very much feel overwhelmed helping your child strong emotions building I noticed your sister I noticed you're getting really quiet that may mean that you're you know how are you feeling are you getting upset these things and then you know I'll see what they could do to try and feel better to the need to take a break so you have difficult on the ocean do you know what I was stuck in traffic yesterday my heart was racing and I felt really hot and angry. Ever happened to you when you're frustrated or you can relate to them and relate to that emotional dysregulation then you can talk about what you did try and feel better if you didn't do anything you could have handled it in a better way can you sing sing like a childish but I do with kids all the time really helpful for them to think about the feeling thermometer emotional identification and a tool for what he feels you can do when you're in the different since I'm talking about feelings feelings we want to shift the conversation get comfortable on cuz all feelings are acceptable and validated or uncomfortable cuz we prefer to feel and the feeling thermometer help scientists by where we are and where we want to be so you can we do to help you get to Green Bay 7 thermometers out there you'll find a bunch summer Morrison this one's a little but I understand about the situation you know I have it was some kids today they told me like when they really hungry there in the orange and that's not a good time to try and talk to them about that conversation with me they say when I hang out with friends usually feel happy and calm so helping them think about where they are on the thermometer and different situation and then the second part is identify can you do about it if you're in the red you're a very serious exploding things you can do to feel better maybe deep breathing listening to music shower would help you want to make sure you say having a conversation that when you notice their escalating up the ladder you can bring us you talked about the things that we talked about that you said he wanted to try to feel better more examples will be shared furthermore, I really got the feeling about I have a kid punching bag at home I thought that was awesome get it out coloring play an instrument kicking a ball stay in the here and now so meditating observing the he's just kind of younger kids Play-Doh or slime positive rewarding activities because having fun is good for mental health the doctor again I'm doing Steve going for a walk doctor's against this tips for Success like I said teaching me things when everyone is calm in your own self go to sleep I'm sorry I hope you sleep good nutrition physical activity connected the personal experience of feeling quotes others that means all you as a member of Community positive interactions with people are regulating and reward us and relationships are connected other adult other kids is a preventative measure for substance abuse therapy that's when I started thinking more about using substances we want to establish caring relationships to help them manage their feelings and behavior and stress and help with their stress I love you I see you and I hear you I will take care of you I am sure you will see you soon as I know not all of us are words of affirmation people kids really do need to hear this because they need those horrible validation is a kid and you believe these things about your parents and then which of these are you committed to giving your kids hopefully all of them if not maybe pick one or two that you're willing to really say out loud repetitively with your kid do you need to hear it you know they get a lot of different messaging that they're doing things wrong or messing up because they are probably but they need to hear this these things to well I hope and growth mindset and Achieve an outcome or reaching the goal I can do it attitude influences how kids and feel growth mindset is the belief that you can grow your talents and abilities with effort those with growth mindset Embrace challenges learn from criticism and her sister on Facebook and failures so I used to be a math teacher and I felt with his all the time to do the thing coming in off the bad they want so I really try to stiff about like maybe in the past you haven't it's been harder for you to do math but you can work on it and get better it's not like you can get better pushing through failure is not a bad thing it's actually a good thing cuz it taught you something to learn more just giving kids praise for effort not ability I know especially Paul Revere kids are really fixated on grades and some parents are too and I get it that really trying to emphasize effort over just their grade like do you work hard all of those things should be rewarded as much as a good grade kids really do put in the effort and struggle will be praised on that I don't feel horrible about themselves and give up how to develop using my children modeling challenging negative thoughts and growth mindset and alternative. planning for the future the distant future or the near future with specific steps so they feel like they really have to reach their goals teaching children how to set realistic goals and come up with strategies for sticking tickle even when it's difficult explaining is going to be set back but the whole point of growth is just keep trying even when you have a setback and the notices celebrate their success has strength and resources even little ones who noticed a little Improvement in your grades or whatever keep trying keep going these things are preventive measures for so so everything I just talked about the beginning with more important because kids aren't learning from you having a good relationship with you and other adults that's really what's going to prevent them from experimenting with us he's resiliency tools Incorporated it and that's all I know I flew it will be posted to the website here's my email you do have any other questions you don't want to ask feel free to email me but I will open the floor to any questions you want to just post in the shop if there are any questions I will answer them to the best of my ability I got a question in the chat about where the recording movie so the website has a section for and previous workshops are posted their own website any other question when will the recording be. usually we try to have it the next day we send it over to Lori Google who handles. On the website so I can at least within the week it should be posted and then Carl I see you raise your hand if you wanted to ask a question yes I think it's only the presentation was really good thank you I have a question so I do try to kind of check my son's been out like a like that or like this phone and things like that to make sure that you know if you do it but he doesn't like it so that what kind of a bar that is like you she tells me like why are you looking at my stuff or why you're doing this or that or you're too controlling so how can we manage that part so they don't get they don't feel kind of made it you know yeah I know. that's really common response so it's really up to you with how much you trust your kids cuz I know some kids have never gotten in trouble and doing everything I need to do maybe they don't need as much a regular back of their phone or a regular check of the back making some mistakes and explain to them going to take time to rebuild it and you're going to have to do those things in the meantime to rebuild it but until hopefully they don't so they break it and then it comes back to the video let a little bit go okay thanks either question that I have is like I also noticed that changing mode now my son is so out so I don't know if that's normal to see if it's more cuz you know it could be the health issue if it's not addressed but it is normal like the withdrawing at this age not wanting to talk to their parents as much going to look for is like is it impacting the daily function are there is no dropping their function are they not socializing with friends anymore those are things really to that might be more concerning like wow they're really being impacted by the other daily life is being infected maybe it's time to explore therapy something like that okay thank you thank you and I'm sorry I saw you raise your hand I thank you so much for the straight presentation my question was you said that to have a zero tolerance for underage drinking and both my husband and I don't really drink that much but I sometimes feel like can it be the forbidden fruit where but you can't have it all you can have it at all anime wanted more where is in Europe they let their kid having a little bit of wine at dinner or they you know they ate at a younger age let them drink a little bit and then it's like no big deal no idea what you're saying is like the training that we were instructed to give them from the district and I use about that as well but yeah as far as we were told like that the messaging however like I tried to add in there my own little spin is leaving room for mistakes since you don't want them to think you're okay with it but you also want them to talk to you about it if that's something that they're friends so I know that's an answer it was like what I've been told to say is well and but we got the bottom line is like you don't approve of drinking but you're always going to be there if they make mistakes when you're going to be there to make sure they're safe no matter what they do got it thank you so much thank you I appreciate it the other question call accessory the parents and kids when and if these issues arise yes yes oh yes I am available I am I part of your side do the week however time because of the number of kids we have a tour of your time is my Chase login a little crazy sometimes I'm so we we all work together me the counselors there's another part-time psew we all work together to address these things but I recently started a group on campus so like when students if they're caught using substances I will be doing an intervention to meet with them for a few weeks to talk about so if you're concerned that your child is using or is interested in and you want me to do some stuff confused intervention I can definitely do that just send me an email and then you just bought like more individuals we can talk individually to to figure out what I can do and then if they need more I can give you resources for outside therapy go back into the question any other questions either really got something Q stop that's all I really appreciate you all taking the time I hope you learned something already started to use the group now is it supposed to be hopefully in the future I can do more is it comes down to the time that I have two different things what did you mean by print supplies you can also email me actually better without the recording free to email me I'll post my email again thank you everyone

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