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Supporting Children With Anxiety: What To Do And What Not To Do

Added Mar 18, 2024 •

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Parent Workshop presented by Anna Riley, PSW, October 24, 2023

Show Transcript

anyone who wasn't able to make it it will be posted on the website if you could just letting everyone and I would be awesome hello thank you for taking the time out of your busy evening to come to our first my first parent Workshop of the year I know there been other ones are Amanda Riley the psychiatric social dr. Paul Revere Revere 5 days a week so if you haven't tried to have this introduction tonight and the presentation about supporting children with anxiety what to do and what not to do I did do the street as well and I got really good feedback which is why I wanted to be able to make it or people that just wanted a refresher I also have helping message she is a counselor Riviera and actually work a lot together doing all the wellness events are so if you haven't heard about it then we send them out in the news better every week to calendar and repost on Instagram as well but this month we did Wellness month which we've had a lot of fun events like yoga and meditation Workshop we had painting today all sorts of things I really love and just kind of see some music coping skills and basic Wellness that they can carry with them if we do and then I will get started will be a gender for the night I'm going to go over basic what is anxiety I know a lot of us hear that term thrown out a lot and almost all the kids tell me that they have anxiety so kind of what difference between having a diagnosis of anxiety and just having a feeling of what to do and say and what not teaching your child how to breathe making a plan scheduling worry time how and when to get extra help and then when comments at the question please just post them in the shower do you have a personal question about your child or something else personally I do prefer a at the end do I like to always turn out with a check and see how people are feeling in the room with the kids as well sometimes it's a different source of check in after school hope you all are feeling so if you could post in a chat which one of you dog faces represents you're feeling right now and I can definitely say I think about like a number one it's been one of those weeks where I feel like it should be Friday already and I'm like I was a Tuesday but I was excited to do this workshops that's kind of helping me get through okay we have some other one number to I-10 yet I know you're up or thank you I appreciate that here's a little meme that is a good picture that represents what anxiety is and this is a lot of times when I actually and actually go through our brain I'm Trevor Jeff you text him yo dude want to hang out later he read it 3 hours ago and he hasn't responded so in our head if you have anything for having anxiety it might be rather pleased by driver probably not the reality of the situation he's probably busy you probably forgot about the message there could be a million other reasons he hasn't responded but what anxiety does it causes us to overthink and to kind of 60 worried about things that actually probably aren't really true we're going to talk about that a little more so according to the Center for Disease Control childhood anxiety disorders are very common affecting 18 listen to think I'm used to really surprise me and now that you know I'm working in the Middle School setting for three years it's unfortunately not surprising I think that number is actually probably a lot higher because a lot of undiagnosed but they have a lot of the National Institute of Mental Health estimates of traveling between 25% and having anxiety disorders the numbers continue to Rise Against covid-19 also exacerbated anxiety by a lot so we see those numbers have increased a lot and unfortunately at Paul Revere I've also what is that thing for generalized anxiety disorder these three bucket that have to be present in order for a student to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder the first one is the presence of excessive anxiety worried about a variety of topics events or activities don't worry occurs more often than not for at least six months and it's clearly excessive so sometimes, and maybe they have a test. feeling really anxious about and they'll tell me I have anxiety like I have basically they think they have an anxiety disorder I terrified of them like they might be feeling anxious in the moment I really mean that I have an anxiety disorder can be diagnosed by a doctor does like you can see here and how to occur for at least 6 months and his excessive in order for it to be considered the second bucket is the word of experience very challenging the worrying both adults and children may easily shift from one topic to another there's other anxiety disorders that are more specific so your child might he'll go over some of the might have social anxiety but they're not anxious when they're in their comfort zone generalized anxiety disorder is the most common one and that's the one that I'm talking about right here number three things ID and where you are accompanied by at least 1 in Children of the following physical symptoms are our livings increase muscle exercise a concentration irritability and difficulty sleeping so the most common ones that are expensive anxiety and worry a concentration bility and difficulty sleeping so they're definitely by far the most but at least one of these has to be present in order eye doctor social worker so confusing another psychiatrist so if you wanted a diagnosis for your child I wouldn't be able to do that I could give you some ideas like this sounds like they might have this but a diagnosis would have to come from a medical doctor other common somatic sometimes that means like things that I feel and everybody when they're having anxiety stomach ache is huge I think I want all the time headache usually comes when it's really severe anxiety numbness hyperventilating when they go into letting and shaking and shaking is another one I see a lot so what are the effects that anxiety can have cool and social performance these are the main ones that I see struggle with various demands of school so I care that's really struggling with academics not because they don't understand the word because they're just over I don't even have too much I just get overwhelmed I just can't get myself to do it. And then they might end up across the meeting with your kid and then they got even more OverWatch another one is in attention in class I see perfectionism a lot of Paul Revere and we'll get to the side of thing but sometimes the recommendation easing off a little bit about focus on the kids like coming over ventilating if they don't get it and they're like my pain is going to be so upset so that it doesn't it's telling me to get off the Great does are they trying their back and I'll be providing them the support they need. I forgot about failure for a avoiding difficult not volunteering to participate especially those kids with social anxiety off in time for Saddam participating is like the worst thing that they could have to do withdraw from others their situation fortunately more this year is student letter is social anxiety and maybe depression but withdrawing from social situations. And that's one of the telltale signs something is not right when they start believing themselves from cheers to this is an age when you know and connections is so important and how their learning and growing being perceived as I'm motivated lazy I'm interested in school teachers on using that word but you might want to think like he's coming from anxiety because these are symptoms that could be caused by anxiety so these are other CD I'm sure most people have heard of that one and I actually thought a lot of kids in my office to struggle with OCT but their parents don't believe it my parents only know of as being very tidy and queens which actually is a common misconception that that's what I was like when you're very make sure everything is tidy and clean your room. symptoms of OCD that I can present in many different ways so if your child is kind of fixated on certain things or even if they're not doing the compulsions of who sings around in a certain way or washing their hands a lot but you can also just be that fixation and Obsession and it's a type of anxiety disorder so that's something to consider if you noticed inner child comes Pacific phobias so just goes beyond basic phobias you know like a lot of people are scared of spiders and snakes and other other things even like serious scary things like school shooting but I don't so I got kids that are avoiding school because there's I'm terrified of a school shooting happening not that it's not a valid concern but it's starting to impact their daily life and their functioning so that's when you might want to get that checked out for a specific phobia social anxiety is so common after covid is really sad to see in kids and adults that's what I was saying those kids that are kind of isolated decrease in attendance because some kids are flat-out rude to go to school because they're so anxious to be around other than out of their comfort zone so that's been a big big one that we also separation anxiety 11 most the time it's separation from parents kids feel really connected and have a lot of anxiety being separated from that caregiver with Canales leave the poor attendance that we've seen because the soon is so terrified to leave here that they don't want to come to school so they're just don't call anyone has any questions so we all experience some level of anxiety right like I know we've all felt it but how do we know when is more severe so normal or when nervous isn't tied to a specific cause such as an upcoming test stuff you should the website about a certain thing that they're worried about happening. You know I got my phone taken away I scare my parents going to be mad at me, I have a test in 6. I'm really scared I can't stop thinking about it it's bleeding and usually passes on the challenge is over whatever the worry is about sleep for one night but if not it's not more prevalent or long long-term anxiety disorder is when it happened out of the blue there might not actually be at Trader feel anxious and we might not even know why even if there is no realtor beers with daily life socializing with other things so that's when you might want to be on the lookout for your kid or just called you getting more severe if it's really interesting real life so what maybe should they just about I think I have another slide about this I'll see you but one of the most common things that I hear kids play with me because I know it's just a conception and I'm sure about the parents that are here are not these things because they already are you even like you don't have any reason to be worried you have everything you need hippy hoppy there's no reason for you to be anxious so you need to stop worrying so that's why I hear a lot from kids and it just completely defeats them and invalidate you should be lying and the truth of the matter is every human experience has anxiety and a kid that has it all cuz I still have an anxiety disorder it's not about what you have or what you don't have to be a lot of different things so these are just don't call me once I see social media we all know that's a huge line I know it can be used for good but I really don't really use it for media I have fun mental health in my anxiety cuz I do start getting excluded from things and yeah it's a really hard thing to navigate School obviously your conflict divorce health issues, all of these things are things maybe it's just about all and it's valid if they are anxious about these things they just have a little video it's really short Just Like You video about kids talking about how they cope with their anxiety 12 years old 12 years old but I'm really good at making people laugh I'm actually got reading I could kinda juggle dancing fishing for awhile the fish I'm bored I like to play basketball. braids that go to my pool running biking swimming one thing I worry about is my cousin because I don't want him to get believe my family my future past so I don't like the pressure it does not feel good being worried feels like frightened or scared or nervous like my heart is beating faster and faster and faster like something is wrong or what is butterflies in my stomach to relieve stress that like to talk about it with my mom and has helped the process then I just come now or even Ravel like lay down listen to music putting my mind on something else cuddle with my cat I think that's pretty cool how they can just call kiss to talk about their feelings and to keep me inside of them or if nothing's going to happen it's okay to feel sad anxious from time to time things you can do to work through your emotions and start to feel better you're not alone we're here for you for ways to get support visit kids help phone. CA I think that's a really cute it shows that ability off into Express other feeling really anxious or having an anxiety attack asking them what has helped you feel better in the past and I'm doing it like that's why I here's my advice for parents the first one is avoiding criticism or sarcasm when your child doesn't perform well unfortunately this is a big one I don't even know where when they're doing it we want our kids to do well but the best thing you can do is offer support and encouragement versus criticism your sarcasm comparing a child their sibling or peers this is a really sensitive one cuz I think a lot of times it's in the automatically compare themselves to their siblings it's so important that parents are aware of and make sure they're never in their child have any anxiety she wasn't depressed really want to avoid that emphasize effort over performance so I mentioned before but especially with grades for his performance exercising. You did a great job you work so hard over you're so smart you want to avoid saying things that are more of a fixed mindset cuz if you're saying you're so smart and I don't think that means they're not do you want to use language that emphasizes that if they work hard they can achieve so you were so hard on that you did a great job keep it up first and then if they don't do well it's okay let's see what you need to work on and then next time we can work on that and grow and learn from setting a positive tone before and after-school another huge one for me I'm especially before school some parents like guess the side that it's a good time to have a difficult test driving cars before school I think it's important to have those conversations maybe you want to take the child getting in trouble or bringing up from the series with a child for school off of that crime may be hyperventilating about something that happened in the car or at home because there was an issue I know it's a difficult time teenagers aren't always the most in the morning and either all of us in the morning maybe it's just the time to give them some quiet Houston the car right over or you know if you need help with something in the morning trying to avoid those difficult conversations for the morning cuz he really want to try and set the tone for the day parents just checking with your kid just don't always want to talk and they find it annoying or annoying but I didn't know that you care and that your insurer even if it might not want to talk about it all the time emphasizing your modeling help you have it so you know kids are watching us all the time if we're on our phones all night while arches are washing if we're not practicing the skills and they're seeing how we as adults handle just so you know I even have two practices because my job can get overwhelming at times and there's a million different what time zone do I know I'm having a stressful time right now can we take a few deep breaths do we take a walk together practicing those things and I try to run and go to the gym every day which is true it's on me that I need to feel good and keep a positive mental health I was just fine before we let everyone know that I haven't been able to sleep in peace with my own I heard something we could all just make sure Bermuda and if you have any questions type of missile thank you so that's something I have to do for myself so we need to make sure we're not only modeling for kids but talking about this with our kids it's okay if you're having a bad day we're all human everyone you can tell you're too. This is what I'm going to try to try and feel a little bit better it's so important that we interact with the way that we want to be interacted with so when you're overwhelmed and stressed is probably not the best time to engage in a difficult conversation with your kid you can let them know I need a few minutes to myself, and then we can talk about this so there's going to be times where they upset you so we need to make sure we're practicing these things tomorrow for a kid what to do with an H what to do when not do the what to do in Courage get to talk about the normalized anxiety you know it's it's okay that you feel horrible but we can still do that even when we feel super anxious about that so where's the I think that I have parents do not intentionally they just don't know better is just fully feeding into their child anxiety you can stay home from school that's okay okay let me just reach out to the Future and tell them you're not going to the presentation I understand there is a level where this might become necessary but we want to do the kids not get into their anxiety and I'll talk about strategy and let them know you're there for them so we kind of cover that help to understand my anxiety trigger is so figuring out what understanding can help us understand what might be making the bottom of what is is there as a what is it said again, I'll try and keep your fears to the Pierce especially with all the world events going on I know it's devastating and tragic and there's no way to shelter kids from Ashland Middle School they have fun but trying to keep our own anxieties to herself and projecting onto her kids and then when a story is I'm I've already heard multiple talk to me that has anxiety and fear has been hiding in the parents are talking about I have a much younger sister and I was spending a lot of time with my parents and younger sister of the middle school during covid Allen Realty worried about you noticed she was getting a lot of things I want to try and learn as much as we can and limits and consequences predictable anxiety I don't know what to expect from their parents upset about something the next day they don't they don't seem to care but then the next day they say they don't care and they give me my phone back even though they said they were taking it for a week we want to set those limits and consequences and be consistent and telling them in the song taking for three days don't give it back after one day we want to make sure they'll be upset yes we went to that predictable routines and expectations for them because I'm structure even though they say they don't like it they want to be independent kids need structure I didn't feel secure on a limit on it together as a family and scheduling quality time with the family Middle School years are the time when I put it into their room you might make family night a requirement I know you might not be able to do it at least once a week and we're going to do at least I think they're together as frequently as possible important movies together do a Halloween another type of crap I think that's so important a decision it's not done enough and that quality time really helps to ease anxiety for all of our kids okay what's Knoxville try not to say don't worry or calm down to your child especially when they're in a moment of extreme anxiety to help them calm down in the moment but not typically doesn't even for us adults that doesn't really help me feel better try not to change their routine frequently or not have her key so I actually noticed this year on a big difference just anecdotally kids kids it will tell me like I have karate tonight I have therapy tomorrow at this time all the times that uses that level of anxiety cuz I know what to expect was coming some kids have no idea I like I'll be like what day do you have therapy in early. I don't even know when I have it next so I really encourage parents to share their kids schedule with their kids so that they can kind of feel a sense of ownership over their life and over there try not to over schedule kids I can't tell you how often I have kids having meltdowns because of over-scheduling I know a lot of our kids are really high and she even wear a lot of us are highest achieving and just want to be involved in everything that I'm guilty of it myself my kids need time to rest and they have a couple hours of a lot of times we have church activities so just trying to make sure the kids do recuperate even as adults so I can't really really need that over expressing your own anxiety about world events I know sometimes talk about it I just try to minimize it and say our chairs and it's harder for them to process try not to over discuss feelings of anxiety before trigger situations so I do have sometimes that not not have like a little intense attention but you know it kids having anxiety about it constantly bringing up the past them bearings I really about the test you know what are you up to the test like just overly to bringing up things I even if the kid isn't bringing it up and then also enable and healthy behaviors so 7 minutes so it's normal that the things you fear I'm not actually a dangerous as brain is telling you so the process is doing this and she's in your feels cold exposure and this is actually a type of therapy you might have heard of called exposure therapy is over time and there's often set like I always tell parents if your child having that school or social anxiety and refusing to go to school it's better to even have him get the whole world. One person is not at all we're just trying to slowly expose them to school so they can see actually not as bad as I thought and it will hopefully encourage them to go more but I was grandparents are like I can have him go he's going to pick them up immediately when I call and you can call me after if you're still feeling anxious we really want to try and push the next for anxiety-provoking situation okay can I look at some different approaches that I use a kid the first one is called the cognitive behavioral approach or you might have heard of CBT Call Music behavioral therapy this is one of the most common therapy used for anxiety and it's pretty simple and that's why I think parents can use it with kids to it's basically a Feeling healing prayers in a rainforest so an example for this is testing lady so you're thought maybe I'm going to do this. I might lead to feeling nervous or scared or overwhelmed it might lead to a wedding your heart racing nauseous and dizzy my leader are you feeling that way number two and number three is where the techniques and coping skills to relax their body commence at 4 is replacing those worried thought with realistic thoughts and call my cell phone so let's go through the example with those poor steps Tyson Gay the one who decides if I'm labeled like I said what testing is it these might be smooth I need maybe some of your feelings that you have because of those. Statue of connecting the body changes with the thoughts and feeling so how are you feeling in your body actually pretty often able to identify the I feel hot for a test I feel like my heart is racing I feel sick to my stomach actually usually pretty much able to explain what body changes happen when they're feeling anxious octopus for the sake of time then I'm relaxation strategies so these are all examples of realistic who strategies I choose to kid I also have them write down which ones they want to try some bought out when they have those thoughts and feelings so some examples of drinking water thinking about there is often times I'll have them do it in my office first and tell me about their coffee places are able to easily go there and their muscle relaxation which is when you go through each of the muscles in the body and can come up and then relax I wasn't starting with them all the way down to the floor just talking to someone can help you realize positive I'm capable I have all the tools I need to get through this things that they can give out a lot of stress balls and bring home we just need something in their hand to hold onto and that can evening and I'm listening to music like in class or whatever it is to put on relaxing those are all things you can teach at home step four replacing worry Thoughts with realistic thoughts and call me. So this is that's going to happen overnight and this is for myself so anxiety like you said when we're just worried about things. so then we want to see some realistic thinking actually challenging those automatic negative thoughts but they're having what am I actually worried about it will actually happen what happened what else could happen and usually I guess I might not. I actually did so what if it happens I like to do you like worst case scenario is all too worse case scenario protest at the worst case scenario you get in trouble okay how long are you going to get in trouble I just talk to me and be okay your life your future know that you're really just working through those automatic negative thoughts and helping them realize it's actually not as big of a deal as their brain is telling them how can I handle it if it happens are the type example could you talk to your teacher and see if there's extra credit could you ask could you go to home there's a poison life problem solving that we're trying use kids to think about and be able to do when they do run into an issue so really questioning your kids and this is something I can help with as well but questioning negative thoughts thoughts I hope they realize it's probably not as bad as their brain and body is making its name and overtime I can start doing this spell something I started to Shrewsbury family before presentation I used to have a lot of presentation anxiety but now I'm able to kind of talk myself out of that then I tell myself live. before it went well I got good feedback he was a kind of replaced and calm myself down and that's what I want to search it keeps on these pills now make it easy for the rest of their life some examples of common stock is Pillsbury is I'm nervous but I can handle it I have good friends a lot of things I just have to concentrate and I'll do the strong and capable these are all things we want to teach kids start telling them cuz off all things that we don't want our kids to have we want to teach them confidence and and call myself talk such as this and tell them even if they don't believe it my mom used to always say oh my gosh I'm forgetting the phrase fake it until you make it yourself until it becomes true I'm going to say don't believe it you repeating it I'll pick him up until you believe it cuz it will help confidence and ability to calm themselves down Hands-On skills of explanatory I do it all the time probably know like I know how to breathe Miss Riley like it's so obvious I have straight stomach zebras and counting to four stomachs pan with a man release for 4 seconds until your stomach flat and I always encourage them to really breathe out loud and I do feel like where's the kind of Law Office specially if they're in like a group class I'm starting cuz they're self-conscious but one on one like it really helps pull it out and then holding it out for 4 seconds so holding it for 444 pulling it out for 4 and just repeating this one two three times on Kennerly help calm them down actually today so you can do together making a Play-Doh awesome X things tube need a plan is about the future like what if I what if I get you something to eat so there's a common triggers what if I have a panic attack during the test so making up is that anxiety before that event has even happened so for example this is just an example of a stopwatch still super anxious on during cuz something might happen is that one is you're going to try and self-regulate in class so you're going to do some deep breathing imagine I'm just drinking some water to see if you can calm yourself down step two if that's not working when he's tried a few of those things wash your face with some water just getting out of that can help calm you down at 3 if that's not working we can help you calm down if you're still feeling okay and nothing is helping adult to help me to see if they can be down or if it's easier maybe they can come. see how we could all just having a plan to leave its beings it to the point where they never even you need to use it but just by having a plan I never saw a again because they had a new or they didn't even feel like I have a plan for what I'm going to do so this is something that's been really helpful with the kids childish Tupelo Middle School level but I really got it can do in their habitat so literally cheating on their anxiety as a person or a thing to be a physical object or not someone I know but like imaginary person or character imaginary can be here you can stay here with me how to focus on what I need to be doing right now over that's when it starts to go into the physical and it's in their brain and 12 / 3 worried about something you do repetition but I have Network to feel that you can teach your child another one that's really works for kids and this is often in therapy what kids learn is scheduled where you taught I know as a parent especially with a child that has so I actually write down these were his job and then will designating a certain time whether it's 15 minutes and think about all the worries that they wrote about it until Veritas this basically just give kids a place to put their worries so it's not stuck up here in their head and get them a place to put their thoughts down but then it once again we don't get to talk about it later. Keep doing what they need to give you a chance to connect with that doesn't overwhelm you with all the different word during the day time to write that down and move hug you have a pet playing with the let's go on with the rest of the evening additional help like I said right now especially with world events were probably seeing zaidi and all of her kids with something or another that doesn't mean that they barely need the diagnosis for but these are things to be looking for when it's like okay this is actually pretty serious I need to get my child up there or reach out to the school for additional support so when you students behaviors are interfering activities for example if they want to do any activities they used to enjoy if it's causing significant disruption in the classroom during a pausing it cleaning others Behavior so if you know they're going to school or having extreme issues with their peers and things are escalating that might be time to get a vehicle if their self wondering we're having suicidal thoughts or homicidal thoughts come down we need to get help immediately if you're student that are the length of time frequency and sometimes you know I'll have a parent email me saying it was really interested a can you please meet with that help me find a therapist so I'll do whatever I can to encourage give it a little time for cuz one day of anxiety is actually really normal. So let's see if they're still feeling that way in a couple weeks and then maybe time to explore some extra help we don't want to do is panic and it's a safety concern and we don't want to know knowing your option School teachers counselors me the csw you just hired a new school climate outside before there's always therapist group support one thing is able to do because it is pretty heavy on prices that are in crisis so I don't always have time to check in with students are having a pretty basic anxiety symptoms but I can provide resources and help you find a therapist I can't provide you because I can help you help me through the process there is always Psychiatry is open to it and forth the Medicaid when it's really severe and therapy isn't helping that has proven to be helpful for some kids he's not Baseline level of anxiety think I'm almost there okay well my additional resources these are just going to ask that I use the Calm app and the headspace app have give her medication and like how your kids feeling like are they struggling with sleep you sleep meditation are they having a social anxiety disorder medications for I'm feeling that they're having so I've done is met with kids all the time in my office and it's really really hopeful and there's so many things on YouTube meditation guided visualization muscle relaxation do you think about Wellness Wednesday to call the teachers to do with their homerooms hopefully your child is doing it but do include all of those things and a presentation to kind of give the kids the resources on YouTube and different I know that was a lot I was trying to get through it all but I did I know it was a lot so we'll be posting it on the website and you can always go back if you want any more information so I can send my contact info do you have any like personal question about your child on the so I can protect the confidentiality of your child, question tonight are some strategies parents can use when student a fraud is not there yes. can you share some strategies parents can use when student Alfred is not there to like it's a student is and they don't want to put an effort to stop feeling anxious. talking about like a combination of both so I think that's just like what I try to do with kids finding their own personal motive so with mental health often times the motivation of place do you want to feel better and sometimes they're like No And what she's in like it's going to be hard for me to help you feel better if you don't want to do you like the ones that I can help you to actually help you feel better I'm still kind of helping them get motivated to feel better for their overall not making it about you it's not that you want them to feel better but you care about their motivation through that through helping want to feel better the Max on West can you use beats relaxation strategies for a panic attack so all the time the panic attack is getting the breath back to normal and took a ventilating or so you know I have them put down in his chair sitting up straight we just bring it together and through the middle of out through the mouth until they are called and then we can do some of those other strategies but we have to get that breathing under control before we can talk or other strategies but one question I'm at Revere available whenever you need me remember to another question in the chat from and I'll be able to see okay so if you tell your kids okay you're here now so you're in the passenger seat I'm a driver I'm driving with your knowledge you're nodding you are separate from that anxiety and you can still keep doing what you doing I love that what about you yeah same here thank you for the last little glad I wanted to give a 71 still here I'm just for those Wellness event that we've been doing this you're allowing parents have been volunteer is it common to Showcase their willingness to take me so the other parent come to a meditation Workshop we had a parent come and do a yoga we're having so I think all of those things our overall preventive and helping kids with anxiety and even helping our kids a lot and we really enjoy it if you or anyone you know is willing to donate your time if you have still or your please reach out and we would love to collaborate with you for some of our Wellness event that is the last thing I want to say and thank you so much for coming much appreciated that you're taking the time to really appreciate all of you and I hope you have a great night

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