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How to Respond to Difficult Behavior

Added Mar 18, 2024 •

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Parent Workshop presented by Anna Riley, Revere's Psychiatric Social Worker

Show Transcript

alright so hello am I know a lot of you've come to my workshop before so thank you for coming my name's Anna Riley and the psychiatric social worker at Paul Revere I'm there what is the week and my role is really the mental health kind of liaison on campus I do individual therapy with students as well as school-wide activities for mental health more of a short-term intervention and then the students need more long-term before I can help parents find a therapist outside of the school so that's kind of what I do at Revere and part of my role as a parent Workshop go over this topic I always like to start with I do this with kids to do in a meeting with them just to get a read on the room if you could type in the chat which photo kind of describe how you're feeling today maybe League number 3 I'm actually going to be missing work this Friday to fly to Oregon for my fiance awesome graduations I'm feeling very excited let's see if anyone else is all happy I love that to do with kids do kind of give them away a different way to think about their feelings and it's too funny and cute as well okay so I would love to hear if you're comfortable sharing and what are some difficult behaviors you've been seeing from your child trust me you're not alone you're seeing any of these are the biggest what I hear about how is Tantrums about technology or I'm being taken away I've heard that phones are a huge amount of tension right now especially in the middle school years in high school years hitting and kicking may be less so but I do have some students behavior is still in her name yelling and slamming the door definitely number four has been a big what I've heard about Defiance disrespectful to prevent classroom disruptions so frequent calls from the teachers Human Services hopefully not but yeah that may indicate that your child is struggling with their behavior so this is kind of just a psycho behaviors develop in children and some of the examples in his presentation might seem a little might not apply to your child your child my house different types of behavior has been trying to cover kind of a wide range of things we're seeing this is the cycle that goes there's a circumstance or a situation that leads to some thoughts that your child would have that then lead to the feeling and then lie to their behavior but here's an example that I've actually 10 in real life so middle schoolers playing Roblox and the Tramp takes away their phone or computer or whatever they're planning on it says time to do your home they might have some thoughts and I had like she took my phone not fair and then the feelings maybe anger sadness disappointment is there actually like addicted to the phone it could even be like withdrawal symptoms like this almost Panic feeling of I don't have my phone and then that's a lie to them like grabbing the phone or talkin back yelling may be planning the door this is kind of a cycle of something maybe you've experienced it before so these behaviors can often creates a ton of spiral of chaos at so it's like a spiral of chaos is kind of like the back-and-forth that doesn't really leave anything positive so the example hear the child yelling at the parent I'm not going to do my homework. I'll talk to me like that child cry throwing something then the parent might go again or Tuesday or the child child pouting whining behaviors escalating care of my child while you have to act like this is dog and for that you probably most people have experienced their kids and this is kind of a downward spiral of tail for no one's feeling good nothing really productive is being learned or taught and so we'll talk about how we can kind of get out of this spiral why does this happen why does the spiral happen many parents to view their child's difficult or undesired Behavior as a problem that they need to solve right now so it's like the parent has their own feelings that are going on when a child behaving a certain way and that feeling of discomfort or lack of control is like I want to fix this right now whether it's I'm taking your phone away or get out of this room wanting to react isn't that uncomfortable feeling so the parent might feel stressed by the child really big or bad behavior and they want to try and gain a sense of control so that's what leads to that kind of spiral of chaos involving people are very common from what I what I have observed there's two main ways that parents usually try to handle this kind of spiral what happens I wanted to change the circumstance. kind of being too lenient like okay I just don't want to deal with this whatever don't do your homework I'll play not holding your ground you know not explaining why you need them to do their homework can a child kind of do whatever they want and we do unfortunately see this especially it's hard like if you're tired you're working all day or whatever it is and you're getting home you're probably exhausted I don't even have kids yet and when I get home so it's hard at all those limit but it is like less desirable in the future isn't important what we're going to talk about selling those limit so that the spiral doesn't continue happening the other one is trying to change the child's Behavior so trying to make them stop complaining forcing them to do their homework so we're going to talk about something that's kind of in the middle of can we talk more calm way of handling the behavior so traditional behavior modification you know usually involved time out. I'm going to take Behavior charts trying to control the child behavior they usually do work like you know what if you say I'm going to take your phone right now unless you do that most kids that I know are going to probably do it because they really want their phone but it's not the best long-term solution because it doesn't address the root cause of the behavior and said it's like a short-term like I'm going to do this if you don't do this but that's not going to help change the behavior long-term is just going to keep happening and you're going to have to keep doing that power struggle so here's the they call it the Cure but I mean every situation to be different but the cure for the spiral curiosity so as the parent you really want to develop a curiosity about why is my child behaving this way you might be hearing different school about why they think your child answering why you might be getting these messages from your kid but you really wanted to know what's going on so here's some questions that you can ask yourself what is driving my child behavior I had a lot of kids this year by refusing to accept refusing to get out of the car when they got to school instead of just yelling that spiral of cows get out of the car or I'm trying to figure out why is my child not wanting to go to school what's going on with my child that's making them not want to get out of the car and what are they trying to communicate is this difficult Behavior a chance to do something differently is my child hungry or tired often times the song basic oven time when the kids rude or talking back or thing hadn't seen today it was kind of a cleaning the spiral of chaos that happened with her the night before and she said all I wanted was usually the best at communicating verbally what me and the mom maybe had been able to think like Steven what do you need in this moment like what's going on maybe that would have led to a different situation needed a hug from her mom are my rules and expectations pair this one I thought of cuz I know Graves become a big point of tension and homework and I have had families that it becomes such a big Focus that it's kind of show me focus at home in the only focus any other part of the relationship gets pushed to the side and thought I always encourage parents like you want to have those rules and expectations but you also want to make sure that you're thinking about you how does a whole person still having conversations with them unrelated to their graves if that's the point of tension to build that connection with them further going to the main takeaway I would like you to have is using your own emotions because having teenagers is really really really hard they're very emotional they can get like super quickly if they're happy 1 minute next minute so is it really I can create a really simple to his environment and as the adult the most important thing that we can do is to stay calm when they are experiencing all of these things and that's not easy to do especially they're taking out there and grow their emotion on you which they probably are cuz you're the parent so same thing goes for adult we have the same cycle of the circumstance happening the song the feelings and emotions and then our actions and behavior so let me example whatever the kid did maybe the. Thanks he doesn't respect me he feels angry starts yelling another example bringing my child always like this the grandma feels overwhelmed he punishes the kid give me your phone the mom is thinking why are my kids so bad feeling sad or doubting yourself and then trying to hide the rescue the kids by doing everything for them or even disconnecting from them because it's so this cycle of feelings turns into action that can turn into the spiral of chaos that repeats over and over and I seen it a hundred times on a couple weeks ago I was asked to come and help get a kick out of it didn't want to come to school 12 parent and child were super escalated and the parent was doing some of the things that I just listed you know disconnecting from the child punishing the child and it wasn't getting anywhere so how come you respond differently like I said I'm trying to get curious about what's happening with your child but nothing of their behavior as a problem to fix and stop seeing a behavior as an emergency you don't need to yell at them in the moment unless it is a crisis situation like if they're in danger of course anything that you say or do when you are also escalated is Prague not going to end with a positive resolution so communication and opportunity to connect with your child is this the hard part blowing down your to be aware of your feelings and thoughts about the behavior sup the cure for the style of chaos is curiosity to asking yourself what do I want to be feeling what all do I need to have first what do I want the results to be what action can I take to make that happen and what are my long-term goals obviously you're not sleeping through all of these questions like in the moment but that's why what I recommend and my biggest take away with this skip forward to it how do you speak a way to slow down and so literally in that moment when you feel yourself escalating about your child's Behavior modeling for your child I'm really upset or angry right now I need to take a step back before I can talk in a calm way if you about this and literally stepping away doing whatever you need to calm down whether it's doing a few deep breaths I'm going for a quick walk outside until you're calm and then coming back to the situation and and talking to your child about the situation so some things that you need to think about when you do that stuff away is replacing the thought that might be going to your hats off and parents are thinking I can't handle this my child can't do this forever I can't get through this kid the kid is awful I know the mind can go in a lot of places when kids are being really really am but then replacing those thoughts even if you don't believe in the moment it's almost like a fake it till you make it situation with thought you have the power to actually change the way that your brain handle situation by practicing these replacement the literally thinking yourself I can hang funny behavior that my kids have I wonder what this behavior is telling me my child is capable of learning a new skill I'm capable of teaching my child a new skill all of these things are things that once you're thinking about these you're going to a much better place to handle the situation so then take action when you're feeling calm after you've taken a step back and done some of these replacement thought once you've done that all the time my mom lectured me for 2 hours last night I'm like always you run from it I wasn't listening nothing just like the lecture in the yelling as much as may be wearing green if you do that or maybe that's what our parents is growing up it just hasn't been shown to be as effective as having a back-and-forth calm conversation with kids so the new thoughts the positive thoughts about your parenting in your village that's where the Magic Moment happens so whatever circumstance or behavior kid does your thoughts are going to come automatically stopping taking a breather replacing those with more positive thoughts then it will better feelings and work phone actually behaviors as you respond to your child behavior so this allows you to stay calm and when you're calm you're able to give limits instead of command which we will talk about what that but you know what time and is more good but maybe it will not be as well received by the child and a limit I'm offering compassion instead of Judge showing kindness instead of harshness and growing connection instead of disconnection it's been hard sometimes for me to hear how many kids you know I like my parents just don't ever talk to me I don't spend any time with them and I think cuz I definitely when I was a kid the biggest the worst thing that I could do is disappoint my parents are going to talk because we had built that relationship where I care a lot about what they thought about me I wanted but if you don't have a relationship or connection with your child it's going to be really hard for them to want to do the right thing for you or wants to do the right thing in general when I don't feel that connection without her and that person that they really should want to be proud why is it so hard to stay calm when the spiral of emotions activate the brain response some people yell some people shutdown shutting down is not the same as calming down a calming down is like doing it for a set time and then coming back and not being able to have that conversation shutting down and I have just ignoring your child and the child behavior becomes a problem to solve the emotional response leads to the parents reaction but I'm going to be more strict these kids are waking up at 5 a.m. we need more rules I'm the brain is just jumping to let me fix this right now what can I do for this instant. calming down and then try to figure out what's actually going on with your child's Behavior okay so the cure for the spiral of chaos is curiosity we already cover that more rules of usually not the answer inside like you said asking yourself what is driving this Behavior being a child of God is not the answer I don't believe that child is just a bad child I do believe that behavior can be corrected and with support they need that care and support before they can really achieve full success when the child misbehaving they're communicating an emotional need or trying to cope with something in their life so that behavior is a strategy to communicate with you and trying to see it as that they're doing to you or something at you. I can help restructure and reframe how you think about your child's Behavior so here's the chips that we kind of went over stop talking that's the most important don't let yourself be isolated starting to yell just try and stop by maybe say I need to step away for a few minutes move your body do those replacement thoughts I'm a good parent is hard temporary things will work out you must manage your own emotion before you can connect with and show and put these to your child once you feel that song please don't do that, please then you can show empathy to your child and with you leave the connection and help them connect with themselves and others help develop a child's brain it doesn't develop on his own and Poppy and must be mirrored and model by caregivers of children need to see that you have entities that they can develop empathy and it can only be learned from their caregivers and Halsted develop empathy for others so here's the triangle of responding to difficult behaviors and we'll go through each part with examples but the basics are you're trying to connect with your child first settle limit then correct the behavior after the most important to keep use of setting a limit to look at some of those examples of connecting to help a child understand why there oh that's like we said requires us to take care of ourselves and to make sure that were in our own calm so Jules for connection the first one would be narration so wait what is happening for the child children need to feel seen and understood so describe what you see I do this all the time they come in crying and you look really upset or they come in you look like you're feeling anxious are you feeling anxious about something trying to marry what you're seeing maybe wondering aloud what they're feeling you want a voice thing I know how you feel cuz I'm teenagers that doesn't they they don't think you know how they feel they don't believe I ever felt that way before so avoid saying that but wonder how they might be feeling you know you it seems like maybe you're feeling upset what's going on I also avoid asking what's wrong you know what happened just to put it in Alaska negative contact and give them more room to explain what I have a feeling that coming up how are you feeling validate their feelings and offer something they can do to cope with their big  feeling so often times you know I left I have kids in my office. I'm really anxious or depressed I think what do you do to feel better like I don't know I've never thought about it they've never met don't have like a tool kit of things they do like I tell them for me I was in the music I love to run and I'm just honest with them other things to help me feel better when I'm having a tough time and just offering those ideas to them you know you can tell them what you do you can give them suggestions to giving them ideas but they might not have thought of it before they might not realize that there are ways to cope with difficult feeling so like I said narrating what's happening describing what you see validating and then setting a limit so offering something they can do to cope with their feelings healthy so here's an example I see you're crying and I see that you're upset I see your hands are balled up I wonder if you're feeling mad or maybe a really sad your feelings me since you're welcome to go take a break in your room and listen to music to calm down so obviously they're going to be different in every situation and you're not just going to be saying it sentence after sentence like that is more of a car it should be more of a conversation but you narrated what you're seeing you wondered how they met feeling validating the feelings that's super important for them because often times their kind of scared of their own feelings cuz like I said with the hormones they just come out of nowhere and then setting a limit I think that's the most important keep on you're welcome to go take a break in your room and listen to music to calm down I would even add your own limit that you're going to go do explains he's so that I can come down then we can talk about when we're both feeling a little bit more regulated that's one example for married another example this might be more for younger kids but I do have some kids that are still screaming and saw so relevant I'm noticing you're screaming and stomping around I wonder if you're feeling angry your feelings do make sense I get why you're angry you're welcome to Stop & Shop outside as long as you're not hurting anyone and then we can talk when we both so giving them like a limit like allowed to do it inside cuz that's not safe for everyone but you can do it in this way giving them off as always helpful setting a limit in a firm but not a harsh way so they can think about which way they would like to make the two ways to that limit with children one is telling them what they can't do so the rules which is traditional Alan and telling them what they can be so giving them permission with conditions so number one the rules isn't necessarily bad it doesn't always work long-term and it doesn't do as much to promote their own brain development or help develop a skill cuz it's like yeah maybe they'll follow the rules like while you're standing there but it's not teaching them as much as I like how to behave when they're not necessarily with you or on their own and having to make decisions about their behavior the number to is more positive and healthy things for themselves so this helps with their brain development help move their thinking from their emotional brain to their higher brain so going from that emotional reaction to that Rush thinking about their behavior and it's not judgment base is more neutral and it's not focus on them being good or bad it's just giving them options of what they're able to do and then giving them a choice to make after setting a limit when everyone's a little more calm and they've made their decision that's when you can correct the behavior to help them see that their behaviors do have an impact on you fam we're going to go through some examples so for example here's a scenario a child throwing toys at their little sister and screaming the parent that y'all what are you doing stop. I love you don't throw things at your sister the child continues and gets louder and more aggressive the parent says I said stop it you listen to your mother they might feel angry frustrated disrespected so here is way to respond so the child throwing things again sister the parent slows down and remembers that the child's behavior is a way of coping with her big emotion they remember to stay neutral and show empathy they might have to remove the little picture reason for not particular circumstance and validating them but then setting a limit so your feelings my son but you're welcome to throw pillows and scream into your own pillows as long as no one's getting hurt we're not going to throw things that other people that's not safe so you're giving them an option they can throw pillows but they're not able to do this because it could hurt somebody so also giving rationale for what if they continue this Behavior then the parent can follow through but in a calm manner again toys are not for throwing you're welcome to have these toys again once you can show that you can play with the night and then they might need to take away the toys and then have another conversation once again about what it looks like to play nicely and when you feel comfortable giving them back the toys this might start another big feeling cycle they might get especially if it's like a phone that you're talking to take away because there's not following the women this might start another cycle of chaos the spiral the yelling excetera and that's just because maybe they haven't been used to this the salt line that we've gone through if they've been used to just getting what they want or I'm just arguing back and forth this will take time and we'll need repeating for them to learn that when you give them a limit they actually have a choice and then if they don't make the right choice or the good choice there is going to be a consequence so this may take time for them to really understand and start making that right choice but it's just being persistent and consistent that's the key to helping them really change their behavior that may take some time and some repeating once the child is Tom then the parent can reflect with them about what happened and correct the behavior they wonder what made you so mad do you feel better now allow the child to talk about it if they want and remember to stay calm and neutral I hear you I'm happy to let you keep those toys in your room and you can show me that you can play with them nicely without throwing them so you know correcting the behavior letting them know it's not okay to throw them but also exploring what made them so mad cuz clearly there was something underlying so we got to figure out so that way we can address it better in the future okay so this is just kind of a review for stopping and getting curious about the behavior it's not a problem that needs to be fixed immediately trying to connect with the child answering not limit friendly but not harshly and then correcting the behavior once everyone's calm and showing compassion instead of judgment to have a real conversation figure out what happened what I do differently in the future that's like my one of my most common conversations with kids like what happened in the future if there's talk of this will probably happen again what are better and more healthy things we can try that are better behaviors I'm okay you in trouble and cause that spiral of Kayla create kind of parenting Vision view your child and their difficult behaviors with Kira has to be what's going on under the surface hey and then tips for addressing the difficult behaviors your brain is probably going to try and sell you some of these things the child is text M something wrong with my child is something wrong with me remember just don't get stuck in the spiral move remove yourself make a call and bro break whatever you need to do those replacement thinking I got this I can do cuz I love my child going to be okay the child needs new strategies and skills that work for the whole family I do have parents often times that will fail things like my sister doesn't act like that or his brother is older brother didn't do stuff like this just remembering the average child is different and it's going to need something a little different than kids need a little bit more of that nurturing connection side some kids their behavior is going to be great no matter what how your parents are going to just they don't get in trouble they don't do they just always be there probably not what I mostly do the right thing so every child is different and some of these strategies will work for every child but I think always thinking three curious about the behavior. The keys are really understanding and then be able to cry. Behavior difficult okay so here's some common difficult behaviors the first one is huge in the Middle School isolating so kids I often hear parents and my kids are coming out of that room with us so depending on the type of isolation it is like because of a behavior issue and maybe after an argument they're isolating it's kind of a form of like extreme pouting like when they're a kid they they pouting in the corner teenagers are more go to the room and isolate I'm so be careful not to match the intensity of this connection you don't want to also I believe you're a child out of you don't care you don't love them instead say something like I'm here for you when you're ready or I'm here to talk whenever you want I'm here you just want them to know that you're going to be there for them when they would like to visit crashing hopefully this one is becoming less if they got a little older but I know it's still happening for some kids and it is a really hard one for parents to handle specially cuz they're physically getting bigger in middle school but using no this is a limit that is not going to be cross and say feelings are okay but hitting and kicking or throwing things others is absolutely not okay the ultimate goal is to help him develop the skill they don't have so maybe that's their insane just had for check when you're trying to give them another option so that they're replacing up if you were something more positive for example I have a bean bag chair in my office and like really mad like this ball up and like if you want you can like literally punch my bean bag chair because no one's going to get hurt it will release some of your anger so it's finding those replacement things where no one and then complaining I know that's a big one coming home from school and they just want to complain about their teachers their friend their homework everything is a dread so maybe saying something like I'm happy to listen to your complaints for 2 minutes and then let's do xy&z something else or I'm busy right now but I'm happy to listen to your concerns and 30 minutes remember your job is not to try and solve these problems for them really just do need to vent but it's okay for you as a parent's also set limits and help them learn how to cope with these things that they're complaining about that they aren't feeling so negative about everything but giving them like I said options or suggestions if they are feeling really negative like you know what I'm feeling really negative about things are in a bad mood I like to go for a run do you want to try and exercise with me giving them those suggestions or things that you can do together help him get out of that spiral of complaining and that's a big one rage is a big feeling sick over the crashing I always teach kids in the middle school they're pretty of always able to understand this but anger is like the cover and the thing that they show when there's actually a lot of underlying feeling so maybe they feel really sad or embarrass or hurt and they express it as anger because that's like Cena's more like all or not week where that they were to break down crying which is probably what they really want to do they see that is being weak so the key with this type of rage is not a match the child you don't want to react with rage like I said that was just lead to that spiral but instead helping others helping them understand the behavior like what is causing you to feel so angry what is under what are the feeling underlying are you upset about something to do you have a heart I meant does he practice to have these conversations with them when they're really upset cuz they're likely taking it out on you and I feel good to be the one on the other end of their anger a couple more few more negotiating arguing and asking why so the more old school way which I'm not saying is wrong is just to say when I get off while you about something because I'm an adult because I'm the parent that's it I think yes. Nothing is wrong with that inherently but I think it's more effective if there is a reason or rationale behind what you're asking of them because you know it just if you're explaining to them why the question that they're trying to ask it can help them understand that you care about them that you respect them and that the reason but you're doing the things you're doing is because you care about them and respect them it's not because you're trying to be mean or ruin their life or giving them some of that exclamation can help them understand like Oh My Paradise cares about me and it's doing this for a reason and then delayed compliance or like moving like a sloth I've heard a lot of parents recently saying it's been a struggle of getting the kids to school on time they're just not getting off on time not getting in the car on time so instead of seeing it as just disrespect and like a constant yelling fight every morning get out of bed and get the car try and think about what emotion is my child having that's a lie. are they not getting enough sleep cuz I need to eat first thing in the morning are they not a morning person maybe they they don't like to be Niger talk to all morning is something going on at school that they're avoiding how to figure out like what is going on and then address the behavior based on what is going on underlying so just a recap of the circumstance our Behavior happens I thought your music from this is when you're having those thoughts after they've done it but he's your you didn't like stopping yourself and doing whatever you need to get called in that moment and some people have an easier time with us than others I think it also does dependable and like how you were raised and you're the way that you interact with your parents you know we're all affected by the way that we were raised but you're able to  I can calm yourself down I guarantee you the results of your child's behavior is going to be so much better if you're able to have a calm conversation with them after you've taken time to set streaming sites don't tend to do and then anything super positive nothing setting limit correcting those are the three the three cycle are the three steps when your child does something undesirable or challenging and that is all I have any questions you can either mute yourself or put it in the shop whatever works Miss Riley there's a question would you please share another example of getting my child to getting them getting open Office electronic games because I truly believe that Electronics had become like legitimately addictive and like I don't think kids are necessarily doing it on purpose like their behavior their back talk or whatever when you're getting them off the games I think it'll literally as I don't want to see withdrawal symptoms but like they feel the intense emotional and even physical reaction when we're trying to get them off the game so what I am going to recommend which is probably hard if you haven't already done it up front is selling those limits up front before they able to start a new game before they're able to get a phone they might already have all of that go like this is what the expectation is going to be is that maybe you got one hour a day if you're not able to get off of it after our we're not going to be able to do what I really want you to be able to play on your game or your phone that's something you really enjoy I want you to have that but it's not going to work if you were not able to get off of it after the timer goes off or whatever the setting a limit and I'm sticking to it even if they're throwing not tantrum you know then if they're choosing again it's a choice he gave him a choice they can have it for an hour and then get off of it is they're choosing at the end of our tutor cancer Whatever It Is Well then that's that's leading to a consequence that they might have W okay since your eye cancer tomorrow we're not going to be able to go on the game we can do something else together we can go for a walk but going to be on the game tomorrow until you can show me will try again the next day until you can show me that you're able to do the 1 hour that I sent for you and setting a limit holding firm giving them other options and then going from there but this one's really really talk because I really feel like we all have become addicted to electronics unfortunately I see a hand at Sam the same question but pull up so my son when he does and I I take it you're not in a good way so now that he's really smart is trying to play the system so I do have limits all over so whether it's apple or I can program the phones anyting but then right after he gets out of his electronics it starts to turn to a school iPad to play on it to watch YouTube what should I do when I discovered the new Marius time where he was playing after hours that we discussing everything I always think I'm out of his personal accounts but he comes back in. I do have homework the casino today any percent of what you doing is this playing at those limits on the iPad or unfortunately the only limit we have is to delete the entire  in some of our teachers use YouTube or assign assignments for watching or documentaries or academic stuff that's part of a school assignment and so there is no there's no way to disable it or an x amount of time I think that the one thing that we perhaps can do with Terrance is take if you have a laptop at home then that becomes the option of like okay you can't handle your iPad either your school iPad then you're going to do your your assignments on schoology on my laptop and so the laptop doesn't have the apps that that maybe and iPad has but there's it's almost nearly impossible to make the iPad just school-related without disabling you know half the apps that kids have learned oh I can watch my school stuff YouTube but I can also watch my fun stuff on YouTube until I don't have a definite answer for you Sam other than take that away to and borax do you like having them do it in a common area in the home whether it's right or something so that you're not what they're doing but you're kind of able to monitor right. That becomes you know I'd remember growing up in the in a way that we did our homework in the dining room like that that was that was it the dining room table or you know that the kitchen nook and so that kind of keeps away from no going on there unsupervised and having a Heyday on YouTube I hope that's helpful that's what I do metal door thank you love you any other questions or any concerns I know I was just talking to this plaid yes this will be the whole session with the recording will be posted on the website I know I feel like I've been a little but it will be recorded and posted

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